About this time last year I was going through a fair amount of work-related turmoil. That turmoil didn’t really go away, as later in 2014 I was made redundant. I say “redundant” but really I was just shoved out. Shit happens.
Anyway, when said employer was still at least pretending to be a decent human being they paid for me to start a professional diploma. I started this in April 2014 and boy, to say I did not know what I was letting myself in for is an understatement.
The professional diploma is a level 6 (degree level) course and having never done the whole uni thing, the highest level qualification I have undertaken to date is level 4. Regardless of this, I blindly entered into my digital marketing course with my eyes closed. Completely closed. Like fused shut. I really thought I knew the basics and that returning to study after so long wouldn’t be so hard.
Turns out I was wrong.
Totally out of my depth, drowning not waving, up to my neck in it style.
By some stroke of luck I passed the first assignment but it was majorly disappointing as I literally scraped through, despite feeling like I had given it my absolute all. I wasn’t proud of my pass whatsoever. That was a major bummer and when the second assignment was released, I took one look at it and realised there was only one way that was going to end. In a big fat fail. Especially as I faced two 3hour handwritten exams after this as well.
I made the difficult decision to defer for a while and now I am at the point of starting my course again, only this time I am studying the level 4 award course alongside which I hope will give me more background with the things I was struggling to understand. So yeah, I couldn’t cope with one course so my solution? Lets do two at the same time. Oh and whilst we’re at it, lets start working 5 days a week again for the first time in ten years. GO ME.
I don’t do anything by halves.
I still don’t feel capable at all and find the method of delivery and learning dull and rather uninspiring which doesn’t help whatsoever but I am conscious that moving forward in my career I am going to need these qualifications. Plus, you know, they were paid for by someone else so I can’t look that gift-horse in the mouth.
Part of me thinks, ah so what, you fail, no big deal. Then there’s the other part of me that has always felt like I could do anything that I wanted to and is pretty disappointed that I’ve found something I feel is going to defeat me.
I can do this can’t I?